What's going on homo sapiens! Today I will be talking about and reviewing some Annabelle movie shit.
Movie Title: Annabelle
Rating: ☹☹☹ (Three frowny faces -- this will be explained in my review/talk/rant.
Will I watch this again: Never. Ever.
So guys, I have this thing. You know, it's not a... shit how do I explain this? I have an irrational fear of porcelain dolls. I'm f$^*#&g terrified of porcelain dolls. I don't like them. I don't like anything about them: they're creepy as shit, they're really really creepy. And I don't know how people think that buying porcelain dolls for their kids is a good parenting decision?! How do you animals live with yourselves?!
Porcelain dolls just really rub me the wrong way, and I think it goes all the way back to my childhood; specifically around the time I watched Chucky for the first time. Just the thought of an inanimate doll coming to life and killing everybody is a terrifying thought, and, I don't know, it really freaked me out. So I've always been a little, you know, wary when it comes to dolls, especially porcelain dolls. They have these fake looking, porcelain faces, and they either have these beady black little eyes or the eyes that look like they were just harvested from an organ donor and transplanted into a doll. And that's creepy as shit, I don't care who you are or what you say, it's creepy. And growing up, I always got these creepy porcelain dolls as gifts -- they weren't nearly as large as Annabelle, but no matter their size, it was enough to make me stare at them until I finally passed out. I would closely monitor them. Make sure that they're in the exact same position they were in the night before, you know, safety measures. But then you start to think that they know that you know, and nothing good can come from you knowing what they don't want you to know, right?!
Finally, I packed up those porcelain dolls and got them as far away from my room as possible -- I'm not too sure if my parents still have them in the basement, but that's not something I particularly want to find out, or go looking for. And for the most part, I'm able to watch Chucky every halloween without completely losing my $#!t, so I have made progress, but dolls will always freak me out. Which leads me to this movie review. Annabelle. It came out on October 3rd, 2014. And I had absolutely no intention on watching it, possessed porcelain doll + probably terrible plot/ending just wasn't something I wanted to waste my time on... until tonight.
My mom and I have been joking back and forth about how we should rent Annabelle just for the heck of it. And finally tonight, we rented it. So a little explanation on the background of the story, which includes spoilers. So (may include some spoilers)
The movie centres around a family; a man, and his pregnant wife. The movie opens up with the happily married couple in church having a thumb war with each other. Church is over, they get a ride home from their neighbours. A little conversation on the sidewalk in front of their houses reveals some information: The neighbours have a daughter that ran away from home to join a cult two years ago. So the happily married couple go to bed, and the wife, Mia, wakes up after hearing screaming coming from next door. Husband John goes to check, comes out covered in blood, tells Mia to call the police. Turns out the runaway cult joining daughter came back and murdered her parents with her boyfriend because they're part of this cult (something about a ram), and they were trying to 'summon something'. Well, after crazy cult lady's boyfriend gets shot by the police after stabbing Mia in the stomach, she ends up slitting her own throat in the nursery -- she drew some weird satanic cult symbol on the wall in blood, and when a drop of blood fell from the crazy cult lady and landed on the doll's eye, the eye absorbed the blood. Boom possessed doll alert!
Essentially, the entire movie is about Mia trying to deal with this summoned demon and possessed doll, and in order to do that, a soul must be given. The demon wants the baby's soul, but it'll take anything it can get.
Now, I gave this movie three frowny faces, and now I will explain why. The frowny faces do not mean that it's a -3 rating. It's your general 3/5, I just used frowny faces because it's supposed to be a horror movie, and horror movies make you scared and frowny. The ending of the movie was totally predictable (to me, anyways). I knew it was coming, I saw it coming, I wasn't surprised in the least, which kind of killed it for me. And other than a few parts that made me want to crawl under my blanket and say a couple of Hail Mary's and Our Father's, the movie was just... average. Like I said, some parts really made me jumpy, and the long pauses on that creepy doll just made me feel really creeped out and uncomfortable. So just for those parts, this gets three frowny faces. It wasn't a terrible movie, it just wasn't as good as some I've seen, and I would never put it in a category with those other movies. Would I watch this again? Never. Never ever ever again. Not because it was the scariest thing I've ever watched in my life (it's not), but the doll really freaks me out, and I wouldn't really want to watch it again because that doll is creepy and should be burned in a fire.
So, guys, my first movie review! My opinions are completely my own, and I obviously didn't like this movie because of my personal reasons, but to you this movie could be the bee's knees! It could be in your top ten horror movie list. I do think it's worth the watch, in a way, especially if you dislike porcelain dolls like I do, the creepy factor is off the charts.
I still have this movie rented and ready for me for the next 48 hours. And I can't wait until that expires, because I can't look at this doll anymore. If I never see this porcelain doll for the rest of my life, it'll be too soon. Plus that blush on that doll, and the fact that it starts off as a pure porcelain white doll and turns to this grey, ashy colour... goodness, it's creepy.
Have you guys watched Annabelle? Do you share the same opinions about it as I do? OR do you disagree with me completely and you absolutely loved the movie?! Do you have an irrational fear of porcelain dolls?
Comment, email, subscribe to my blog, and let me know your thoughts and opinions!
Never buy your children porcelain dolls, because they are creepily scary, and will probably try to kill you and your whole family while you sleep. xoj
P.S. Happy Valentines Day, or Happy Singles Awareness day -- enjoy your day no matter where you land on the spectrum. Chocolate as a gift is awesome, and for all us single people -- chocolate will be on sale tomorrow. Win win for everyone!
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